a traffic story

I was driving down the 51 this past Sunday morning, on my way to church, with my dear girls & saw a cop car behind me. Now, that doesn’t make me nervous. I do a quick check of my speed & pay a bit more attention to when I am using my turn signals. I do not slow down to EXACTLY the speed limit (or below!), if a cop decides to pull me over only going 5 over the speed limit, then so be it. I am choosing to drive over the posted speed limit, so I have to own that. Usually the cars who suddenly recognize a cop car behind them do upset me (I don’t see the need to suddenly drive so stupidly), but most of the cars were already behind the cop. So, when I first saw the cop, I said “grr” in my head (just a little one), BUT then I was actually happy because for once, there was NOT that one or two cars going 90 mph on a 65 mph freeway! Those people really make me nervous! The death & destruction that can happen at those speeds! I have serious doubts as to whether there is an actual ‘NEED’ to drive at that speed at that time of day. (11 am or so on a Sunday morning). Continue reading “a traffic story”

bad days = lame

—Haven’t posted in awhile (actually slacking on my goal!), but I finally finished writing out this one I’ve been working on for a bit. :)—

I don’t like bad days. I think that someone who has battled depression has a more difficult time keeping a bad day confined to one day. {I battled depression for quite a few years. I used both counseling & meds to help me get to “my” normal. I am currently still on anti-depressant/anti-anxiety meds.} It takes effort to keep the bad day in it’s place. Sometimes it even takes force of will to get out of the mindset that turns the bad day into two or three, or even more bad days. Just like in relationships, you can get stuck in a rut. Stuck in a certain mindset, an attitude, a “bad day.” When you’ve reached the 2nd bad day in a row, then you have a problem. That’s when you realize that something else has to be done or changed. Now comes your moment of truth, do you take the energy, time & effort to get out of the rut? Or do you stay, mired in the muck of your bad couple of days? In my world, it’s a tough choice to make. The lazy choice is to stay in your mucky bad days. The healthier choice is to make the change to have a better day tomorrow. I choose a better day, chose the same and we can BOTH have a better day! Continue reading “bad days = lame”

thoughts running squares in my head

I had this friend @ a church camp when I was 15 tell me, “Elise, thoughts don’t run circles in your head, they run squares.” Totally true! Ever since then, I’ve used that to explain how my thoughts feel in my head. Almost every day this week, I was thinking about what I would blog, but couldn’t seem to stick to one thing! In my head, thoughts are going one way, then that leads to a tangent thought which bumps & leads to another thought, and then I have a square! Continue reading “thoughts running squares in my head”

loving my weirdo children

I’ve spent most of my life being weird. For a long time, I was frustrated with that fact. I wanted to fit in. It took meeting my husband & having him “love me, just as I am” for me to truly accept myself. Of course, I didn’t like/love/accept myself as I was right away. It took me a bit to get through all of the negativity that I had believed about myself for so long. It took me about 6 years of having thetallone in my life before I had a “breakthrough” to being glad that God made me the way I was. That was quite a few years ago, now, and I never thought that God would decide to gift me with two lovely little girls who are as weird as I am (sometimes more weird than I am!). thetallone, I like to say, passes for normal. When I introduce him to people, he seems normal. That is, until he starts chatting about Star Wars, Star Trek, or any of his other geeky things he loves. I do love that he is actually a geek & I am quite amused that he can pass as normal. Continue reading “loving my weirdo children”

accountability

Being accountable to my husband (and best friend) is difficult sometimes, but I would not change him for the world. I like having someone that can call me on my crap (most times). Sometimes I have a LOT of it! It’s even better when you can call them on their crap as well! I really don’t know what I would do w/out someone that I trust so much. Thetallone and I have been through a lot. Not as much as some, but definitely more than others. He stayed when I was pregnant (especially the first time! I was NOT fun to be around.), he takes care of the girls while I work weekends, etc. But, sometimes, I would just like to get away with something. I would like to hide in my book for a couple of days. Or hide in the computer. To not have someone call me on it, or keep me accountable to the person I want to be. The mom who is here, and present. The wife who remembers to ask her husband how school/work/life is. The good friend who remembers to check in on her “people.” Usually, I get over the feeling of wanting to stay hidden pretty quickly. All it takes is to get myself back from my “hidey hole” then I realize what I’ve been missing! Continue reading “accountability”